Sadness.

Lately I have been feeling really sad. I don't really know how to explain it frankly. It's just like this glow of sadness that is always there in the back of my mind. I don't know if anyone else gets this at all? I have been suffering from self harm for quiet a while now, I was doing really well, then me and my friend had a massive fall out and she just ruined it all. From there my life has been going spiralling down. Getting worse and worse and worse. At the moment, in this very second I am about 5/10 of being fully happy. I am always worrying and stressing and panicking about something in my life, normally either friends, my boyfriend, family, school or just myself. I am a very lucky girl, I have a boyfriend, who I am going to call C on this blog, as I would like us to stay anonymous. He is an amazing guy, we have been going out 3 months, he has been an absolute miracle for my life. He has made me happier, he has stopped me from doing many things such as suicide, self harm etc. His impact on my life is massive and I am so thankful to still have him around and for everything he has done for me. Recently it has been like a war with myself. The happiness against the sadness, and while I may be happy for Short times, it never lasts long enough to stop me feeling bad about myself or stop the pain or urges of cutting, or emptiness.