Tomorrow

Tomorrow I am leaving for skiing, and I really don't wana go. I know it's ungrateful but I'm dreading it. I wish there was a way out of going without wasting the money that my family has already paid. I am going to miss Charlie so much, a week hardly talking to him is going to be so shit, he is my everything and I don't know what I am going to do. The coach journey is going to suck, we have to sleep on it. Plus my phone is Gona run out of battery and not last the whole journey. I just don't wana go. I so badly want to stay at home, even if it meant breaking my leg like today. I don't know how I'm going to cope without Charlie. 

Going away.

I am going away skiing next week on Friday, and I'm not exactly looking forward to it. 

1. Even though I am currently 16 days clean, and I have promised to stay clean until March 1st, And I don't have any blades right now. While I'm away I am not able to cut, and I can't even get any blades if I wanted to.

2. I have never been skiing before which terrifies me, and I don't want to panic in front of people, or hurt myself.

3. I can't text people. I was meant to be getting a international sim for the week, but O2 wouldn't let me. So I can't talk to people Much, I can still use kik and all that, but I don't know if I will be able to get wifi.

4. I'm worried that while I am away Charlie, my boyfriend, will get upset or frustrated or something and I won't be able to be there for him. I trust him so much but I get so paranoid so I'm also worried that if I cannot talk to him, he will go off and talk to other girls, which would break my heart. I don't want to lose him, not ever, I love him so much.

5. We have to get up early EVERYDAY. I don't do mornings. At all. Urgh, I need sleep. 

I just wish I wasn't going. 

Brighton

On Saturday I went with my mum, auntie and my friend Chloe to Brighton. I don't visit Brighton much, I think the last time was 2-3 years ago when my cousin ran the Brighton Marathon. However, Brighton for me is like my second home, I love the vibe of it. With all the quirky shops and the pier, for me it is perfection. In the morning we got up early (9 o'clock is early for me) and picked up Chloe, before going to the train station. It is about a 2 hour journey one way. On the way there, there was this group of women, around 40 years old, and they were obviously going on a weekend away. Some of the things they were talking about were hilarious and me and Chloe were struggling to not burst out in laughter.  For example when one women was talking about how she jumped on this "crazy little bitch" and pinned her down before getting bitten in the leg. It was an entertaining journey to say the least. Once we got there we wandered the streets for a little bit, before finding a cafe that my auntie chose for lunch. Me and Chloe had chicken wings with what was meant to be curly fries but they looks liked noodles (shown below in the picture). After me and Chloe split up from my mum and auntie and explored the laines. We got a little lost... Eventually we found our way, we went to lush and some other shops before going to the beach to take some pictures of the piers, and seafront. It was so cold my hands went blue and both mine and Chloe's eyes were watering so much from the wind that we could hardly see. After a while we made our way to meet the others before getting the train home again. It was a short trip, and I wish It could have been longer but it was good overall. One good thing was that my mum said she would be happy for me to go to university there, which I had been hoping to do anyways! 

4 months ❤️

It's been 4 months. 4 months since I rejected him twice, and then asked him out myself. And it was the best thing I have ever done (asking him out, not rejecting him). Over the last 4 months, Charlie has been so amazing to me. He has supported me, and cared for me, and loved me. He makes my heart race when I didn't want it to beat at all. He makes my mind function when it was breaking down. He has changed my views on many things. Life especially. He understands me completely, he knows when I'm sad or happy, angry or confused. He just gets me perfectly, Charlie is my other half, and he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him so much, I don't even know how to put it into words. 4 months have gone by so fast, it seems like only yesterday we started talking. I remember when he said I love you for the first time, we weren't dating, He said it first, it was about 2am, it went like this:

Charlie: I love you 

Me: as a friend?

Charlie: no. 

Me: what do you love me as

Charlie: I'm not sure, I just know I love you for who you are, and as more than a friend.

Me: you are so sweet.

 

The next morning he didn't remember saying I love you, it made me laugh so much, I remember falling off my bed. Even though Charlie lives 110 miles away, and we have never properly met. I love him so much, and he makes me so happy. And if this is how happy he can make me just by talking on kik, skype and texting. I can't even begin to believe how happy he will make me in real life. I am so so so thankful for the past 123 days.